[ It would have been so easy to just say that these conflicted feelings and urges began from the gazebo at the palace. But the truth ran so much deeper, far earlier... Even if Cloud didn't quite realize it, too afraid to try and put words to it all. But the day they started walking to the teahouse and spent the rest of the day together, the feeling of her smaller frame so affectionately nestled against him as the uki weed dared them to get closer, to the train ride that carried them into the night and back to taking her home... Cloud was new to all this. Yet even when both the dominant Daikoh and hungering Daishoku sent his body into a tizzy, every beginning thought of Ayaka remained the same.
He wanted to see her again. Not because he needed to discuss the play, or any other business. It was just her- the girl who finally had the chance to show herself to him. And not just the Shirasagi Himegimi. And every time he would think of her, his thoughts running a mile a minute every time he had to throw that script away, the more explicit thoughts bled their way into his mind. Until he was tossing and turning, heatedly sighing in frustration when he could hear a fantasy of her airy sigh in his ear. His body tingled, burning up from the pit of his loins to the rest of his body. In the end...he felt the same thing that she did. That this was all weird. That having these spontaneous thoughts weren't right and that they could throw a wrench into what he already had.
And yet, the very instant he found her again, when he took her hand and vowed that the party wouldn't end at the palace? When she shared with him a deep and sacred part of herself in that dance...
Cloud knew that he made a mistake. He made a mistake when he thought avoiding everyone he knew was the answer. He didn't want the first thing he did when he found her again to be listening to her beg in his ear while the thrum of enticing music bounced off the palace walls. Because the way he looked at her? That was real. Taking that leap of faith when he asked himself the burning question, "What does Cloud want?" That was real. And finally...the kiss that came from that answer. ]
I will.
[ Slowly, his hold on her hand loosens, oh-so-reluctantly as he can feel his own heart weigh heavier in his chest, on the brink of dropping. ]
Well... I should...
[ The look in Cloud's eyes was also something bittersweet as he reluctantly begins looking away. This had been an unforgettable night. One that he didn't want to end. Even when the inner yokai within him was clawing and fighting to breach the surface and make him completely let go. To take. Claim. Mark and never stop even when the sun rose on a new day. But on the other hand? Maybe he should let her go for the night, so as to not put more pressure on her than he already did with his presence. The longer he stays with her, the longer he wants to keep holding her hand. The longer he wants to go back to kissing her again. The longer her wants to finally...
Finally give everything to her.
Even still, he thinks he should go. ]
...
[ So then why was he still holding her hand? Why was his head throbbing, his breath shorter and heated as he didn't move a single step away? Cloud looks back down to her. ]
no subject
He wanted to see her again. Not because he needed to discuss the play, or any other business. It was just her- the girl who finally had the chance to show herself to him. And not just the Shirasagi Himegimi. And every time he would think of her, his thoughts running a mile a minute every time he had to throw that script away, the more explicit thoughts bled their way into his mind. Until he was tossing and turning, heatedly sighing in frustration when he could hear a fantasy of her airy sigh in his ear. His body tingled, burning up from the pit of his loins to the rest of his body. In the end...he felt the same thing that she did. That this was all weird. That having these spontaneous thoughts weren't right and that they could throw a wrench into what he already had.
And yet, the very instant he found her again, when he took her hand and vowed that the party wouldn't end at the palace? When she shared with him a deep and sacred part of herself in that dance...
Cloud knew that he made a mistake. He made a mistake when he thought avoiding everyone he knew was the answer. He didn't want the first thing he did when he found her again to be listening to her beg in his ear while the thrum of enticing music bounced off the palace walls. Because the way he looked at her? That was real. Taking that leap of faith when he asked himself the burning question, "What does Cloud want?" That was real. And finally...the kiss that came from that answer. ]
I will.
[ Slowly, his hold on her hand loosens, oh-so-reluctantly as he can feel his own heart weigh heavier in his chest, on the brink of dropping. ]
Well... I should...
[ The look in Cloud's eyes was also something bittersweet as he reluctantly begins looking away. This had been an unforgettable night. One that he didn't want to end. Even when the inner yokai within him was clawing and fighting to breach the surface and make him completely let go. To take. Claim. Mark and never stop even when the sun rose on a new day. But on the other hand? Maybe he should let her go for the night, so as to not put more pressure on her than he already did with his presence. The longer he stays with her, the longer he wants to keep holding her hand. The longer he wants to go back to kissing her again. The longer her wants to finally...
Finally give everything to her.
Even still, he thinks he should go. ]
...
[ So then why was he still holding her hand? Why was his head throbbing, his breath shorter and heated as he didn't move a single step away? Cloud looks back down to her. ]