"Wine." That was a no-brainer. If he was going to stay for dinner, he might as well have the appropriate drink to tell the story. "I've been having problems with Nie Huaisang. Or maybe it was problems with my own heart. I don't really know. But-uhm- when Wen Qing arrived, it was... it was surprising, to say the least. I tried courting her at home but wars get in the way of everything and it...it never worked out. And then she died. And I did nothing to stop it. I've carried that guilt on as anger for many, many years." He's carried a lot of things as anger over many years.

"Anyway, she arrived and I've been struggling. I'm not good with feelings," he admits in a rush, as if he's completely convinced that everyone else he knows and doesn't know are experts at this. "But I couldn't reconcile one or the other. I guess I still can't in some way. It would make everything easier. And I asked Kexing about it, how you two, manage." He didn't even know if Kexing had permission to speak about things like that! But then again, Cheng never asked for details about their personal lives.

"And then that's when I headed out to meditate and think about everything on my own. And I thought I had everything right to talk about us. But--I don't know. I didn't have it right, I guess. Because as soon as he knew she was here and what I wanted to consider..."

His hand on the cup tightened as he relived the memories and emotions that had come to past. Cheng really wished he knew how to handle this better.