His eyes focused on Riley's hands between his own as he spoke. "When Kinn-gonzi and his people arrived, Wen Qing had been all but begging me to come live with her in that huge house. I didn't feel comfortable with that. After with what I want through with Huaisang, I wasn't going to be trapped like that again. I tried to explain but I don't think she truly understood. And maybe I didn't, either. Sixteen years had passed since her death in my world. I had to grow and lead my people. She... didn't have that.
"So when she agreed to take them in and help with Vegas-gonzi, I was concerned that they would hurt her." Cheng looked up briefly at Riley, squeezing the Fae's hands. "You don't sustain injuries like that being a good person. She told me later that she agreed to have them because she was lonely there-and she wanted to make me jealous." He still didn't know how to feel about that. It was a warning in his mind as he thought about what would have happened if he had a people to watch over here. Would she have been jealous of his position and responsibilites? It was the kind of machinations sect leaders did to sway a vote to their benefit.
"And then Tay..." A defeated laugh came from him then. "He... was drugged like I was. We were drugged in the same tavern. I helped him. There really wasn't much of a choice. Some one else could have but I don't trust people. I didn't trust that tavern. And.. I don't know. He had gotten hurt and I tried to help during the dinner party and she--"
Cheng sighed heavily, wiping his face with a hand. He was getting emotional about the whole thing. "I don't understand it. She thought I was replacing her? Replacing Huaisang? I don't know. But I'm tired of being a pawn. Tired of my worth being measured in my blood or how well I fuck." Yes, it was crude. But it was the truth. "I'm tired of people expecting me to kowtow to them. And not showing their worth to me.
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"So when she agreed to take them in and help with Vegas-gonzi, I was concerned that they would hurt her." Cheng looked up briefly at Riley, squeezing the Fae's hands. "You don't sustain injuries like that being a good person. She told me later that she agreed to have them because she was lonely there-and she wanted to make me jealous." He still didn't know how to feel about that. It was a warning in his mind as he thought about what would have happened if he had a people to watch over here. Would she have been jealous of his position and responsibilites? It was the kind of machinations sect leaders did to sway a vote to their benefit.
"And then Tay..." A defeated laugh came from him then. "He... was drugged like I was. We were drugged in the same tavern. I helped him. There really wasn't much of a choice. Some one else could have but I don't trust people. I didn't trust that tavern. And.. I don't know. He had gotten hurt and I tried to help during the dinner party and she--"
Cheng sighed heavily, wiping his face with a hand. He was getting emotional about the whole thing. "I don't understand it. She thought I was replacing her? Replacing Huaisang? I don't know. But I'm tired of being a pawn. Tired of my worth being measured in my blood or how well I fuck." Yes, it was crude. But it was the truth. "I'm tired of people expecting me to kowtow to them. And not showing their worth to me.