( open ) February catch-all

[diabolique]

⌛ Who: Wei Wuxian, Wen Kexing, Ouyang, Henry Silver AND YOU!
⌛ What: February catch-all
⌛ When: February
⌛ Where: various
⌛ Warnings: will be added to threads as needed

Wei Wuxian
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Wen Kexing
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Ouyang
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Henry Silver

Comments

[theatrics]

There's an ease on his face that isn't usual and a teasing note in his voice when he replies with, "My Lord." He's dressed in his usual earthy blues and greens, without any armor (a thing that took some time for Ouyang to get used to). "Will you drink with me?"

[konohamaru]

Esen's eyes roam over Ouyang, a little too long but it's nice to see him without any armor and he thinks that perhaps there are substantially less layers than he is accustomed to the other being in when he was not in armor.

"Of course," Esen says and he settles down with the other, his eyes adverting. Things are different. How could they not be? It frustrates Esen to feel both further away than he had ever been and closer to him than he had ever been.

[theatrics]

Ouyang casually hails the server behind the counter and orders another of these drinks they call beer for Esen. There's still some awkwardness on his part, the knowledge that he killed this man once before haunting him like the ghosts of his family. But he has no intention to tell Esn about that. It was done and need not be repeated.

"This drink is stronger than what I am accustomed to."

[konohamaru]

Esen lets Ouyang do the ordering for him and relaxes, his eyes wandering over Ouyang and there's a longing that's more pronounced now that words have been said between them. It had always been there but it was something to be shoved aside and now it's like an open cavern between them. The truth somehow pushing them further apart Esen has decided. He's still happy to see him.

Though, he tilts his head as he reaches upon seeing a hint of bruise. He pulls at the edge of the fabric with no regard for personal space. "What's this?"

[theatrics]

Ouyang, who'd been distracted in speaking with the server, starts when he feels Esen's fingers brush against his skin. It isn't that it's Esen, it's that Ouyang is still very unaccustomed to being touched, especially without warning. He jerks his head to face Esen, instinctively leaning away. It takes but a fraction of a second for him to realize what he's doing and Ouyang stills himself. A hand reaches up to brush the spot about which his Lord inquired and a soft coloring unfurls over his cheek.

"...Bite."

[konohamaru]

“Bite?” Esen frowns as he digests that and of course he remembers the other has lovers. But… it’s different when it is less abstract. He pulls his hand away and his eyes darken before he adverts his gaze to find something to pretend to be interested in watching. He’s not as good an actor as Ouyang can be, though.

Esen can’t help but be petulant, he’s spoiled and his heart and world view has been upended and there is nothing for him to lose himself in, no fighting to be done just the things he had run away from on one side and The canyon between himself and Ouyang.

[theatrics]

Ouyang may be a good actor, but he's also a concerned friend. Or he wants to be. After everything that happened here and in their home. Debts are paid as far as he's concerned (someone tell those damned ghosts!).

He keeps his gaze on Esen and his brows draw together leaving a crease between them. "This upsets you."

[konohamaru]

Esen doesn't look back at Ouyang because he's sure the truth is written over his face.

"Does it matter?"

[theatrics]

"It matters," he assures. There has to be some way to balance the happiness Ouyang's found in Nippon with his friendship with Esen.

[konohamaru]

Esen finally looks over at Ouyang but the jealousy and longing is in his soft eyes that are usually bright with a smile.

"It was easier when things were not said."

And a kiss had not been shared unlocking the unnamed emotions and longing.

[theatrics]

Ouyang breaths out a slow breath. "Was it?" He suspects that same jealousy would be written on Esen's face even if they hadn't spoken of things that had yet to happen for the young Lord.

"We are closer now to understanding each other than we were before." He hesitates, wondering if he should proceed with his line of thought. "Esen, I am not something to be possessed."

[konohamaru]

One of Esen's hands curl into a fist on his thigh but it's out of frustration not anger and not an urge for violence -- although, violence would have been easier for him than... this.

Perhaps they understand each other better but he doesn't feel closer but he doesn't want to say that out loud.

"You are free, it was never my own choice for it to be otherwise." Had he not sought out a way to free Ouyang, to bring him up to a position of power in his own right?

"But that...: his unclenched hand waves toward the other's bruise. "That is a mark of possession. So you are simply not someone... I'm not..."

He growls quietly, again merely frustrated.

"I have never felt further from you than I have lately."

[theatrics]

"And I have never felt closer," he admits. Since they spoke, he truly feels they made progress but... perhaps not? His eyes lower, head bowing slightly in defeat. "Is it so hard that you are not the only person close to me now?"

[konohamaru]

Esen is relieved when the beer is delivered and he is quick to take a hardy drink of it, his hand holding tight to it.

In some ways they have made progress but...

"You pushed me away," Esen says quietly. "And you wanted space and I have done that."

He rubs his thumb against the beer in hand. He doesn't mind the taste of it.

"I do not care who you are close to but I want to..." He doesn't know if he can bear what will feel like another rejection but the thought is already made it outside of his head. "I want to be the closest."

[theatrics]

A frown tugs at his lips. "Do you know what makes you different from my lovers? Neither of them dare touch me without my knowledge and consent. They have waited, they respect my needs, they are clear about their desires." He pauses to draw a breath in an effort to keep his tone even and clear. "If you wish to be friends... or more, you must respect who I am and the boundaries I hold. You of all people should understand why I have them."

[konohamaru]

"I am trying," Esen says quietly. Perhaps, if he were a more modern man he could have expressed himself better but he's not. So instead, he quickly drinks more of the beer.

"But you must understand, the things confessed to you, they were there before. Every time you pushed me away and you pushed everyone away, choosing loneliness you were always condemning me to it as well and now... you are not and I still am."

He finishes the beer.

"I had a taste of what I had been craving for years and now..." I'm starving. he pushes it down. "Now, I'm the one trying to keep distant for you."

[theatrics]

Ouyang's jaw tightens and he can feel unkind words bubbling up in his throat. If it were anyone but Esen he wouldn't hesitate to unleash them. But it is Esen, Esen who wants so badly to have his favorite plaything back. Esen who kissed him so suddenly, Esen who touched him without care for his comfort. Esen who still calls him his General. How does he not see...? Well, he never was good at seeing things from Ouyang's perspective.

"I never asked for distance, only respect."

[konohamaru]

"I do respect you," Esen murmurs. The distance is perhaps something he'd imposed himself in an attempt to keep to Ouyang's wishes because he knows himself.

[theatrics]

"Yet you touch me as casually as you would one of your wives." Even his lovers don't do that. They ask, they make sure he's receptive to it. Why is it so hard for someone who thinks of him as a friend to do the same?

[konohamaru]

Esen is exhales, looking away. “Be patient with me too.”

[theatrics]

"I am trying, Esen." He huffs out a short breath and finally takes a drink of his beer. "You don't make it easy."

[konohamaru]

"Neither do you," Esen mutters. "Or this place."

[theatrics]

"How can I make this easier for you without compromising myself?" He'd genuinely like to know.

[konohamaru]

"I don't know, Ouyang."

Esen waves to the waiter and orders another beer for himself.

[theatrics]

Another long exhale. Another quick drink. "Then there is no point in discussing the matter further."