He'll be falling from grace

[silversoldier]

⌛ Who: Aerith and Sephiroth
⌛ What: Dealing with Certain Revelations about his future
⌛ When: A few hours after his memshare with Genesis
⌛ Where: Their manor
⌛ Warnings: Very necessary but also not very pretty?

[ Sephiroth didn't know what to believe anymore. Although he was presumably in much better shape than he would have been back home, he still felt lost. Adrift. Without purpose. And above all...

Monstrous.

No matter what Genesis said or what the truth might really have been, his core belief in himself had been shaken. He wandered the streets but didn't acknowledge any of those who passed him by. This was different than his usual dismissal of others though. This time it was that Sephiroth had nothing to give them. He was like a shadow drifting along. He loitered in a park at one point and stood still long enough that something finally penetrated his awareness. It was a voice asking if he was okay. It seemed it was raining.

Sephiroth moved on instead of answering.

He eventually made his way home, and by that time it was night. Sephiroth didn't bother to turn on any lights. He just sat on their sofa in the dark and stared out the window into the night trying to make sense of it all. He knew that nearby there were other people he might ask but he wasn't quite ready for that. He wished, instead, that he could read about what had happened, for surely then it might start to make some kind of sense and, too, he could accomplish this alone. He wouldn't have to see anyone until he was ready. But they weren't at home and it seemed he would be forced to rely on other people here. Eventually. For now, he would sit in silence and sort through his thoughts. ]

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[ancientflower]

[Aerith had had her own dealings with those thrice damned stones and had, once she'd returned home, thrown herself into the tub and then bed. It had been a long day and the sooner it was over with the better, in her humble opinion.

It wasn't until a little while later, after dozing long enough for it to get dark, did she realise that Sephiroth hadn't returned home. Aerith wasn't his keeper and didn't keep tabs on him, he was allowed to come and go as he pleased, though as the night went on, she did worry. It was more than likely that Reno was playing a trick on him again. Or maybe he'd gotten distracted by Zack? Or maybe he'd even found a new friend? She really hoped it was that last one. Sephiroth would benefit from more friends.

She was just entertaining those thoughts when she heard movement downstairs.

Aerith sat up in bed, head tilted, and listened... There was no more sound. She gave it a few minutes before she eased herself out of bed to slip her night gown on and then make her way barefoot downstairs.

It was dark. She might have convinced herself she was mistaken had she not glanced toward the sofa. In the darkness sat Sephiroth. Softly Aerith sighed, and then quietly padded her way over to him. Without a word she grabbed the blanket from the back of the sofa and slipped in beside him. She wrapped the blanket around them both, arms holding it, and Sephiroth, in place. And there she was, resting against his side, saying nothing. Just keeping him warm. And waited for him to be ready to speak.]

[silversoldier]

[ Sephiroth lost track of time sitting there in his own personal hell, but into this particular pit of self-loathing, lingering incredulity and confusion stepped his very antithesis. Light and joy followed Aerith no matter where she was or what she was doing. She was their avatar just as he brought nothing but pain and death.

A monster.

The contrast between them was all too sharp with her by his side. Even so, he couldn't help but be comforted by her presence. Aerith's solid, unwavering warmth radiated like so much intangible reassurance from her body to his so that he was finally able to speak. ]

I know now. [ Did he shudder? He never would have guessed he was capable of such in the past. ] What I am. I saw it for myself.

[ Sephiroth trailed off, recalling the horrible scene, the twisted and macabre way Genesis had delighted in revealing these sinister truths to him. He didn't blame Genesis, not anymore, not after remembering the way his friend had broken down about what he had done to Sephiroth while they were living together in Havenwell, but the down side of that was that it also lent veracity to what Sephiroth witnessed. ]

Monster.

[ancientflower]

[Aerith continued to sit there in silence, just waiting for Sephiroth to find his words. And even when they came, she was quiet. Just listening as he picked his way through his thoughts to come to the core of what was bothering him.

And then she sighed again.

Carefully she moved forward to sling a leg across his lap so that she could slide herself right into it. Now she is as facing him she could do this properly.

Her smile held a little sadness as she raised her hands and softly used her fingers to brush through Sephiroth's damp hair. If it wasn't for the topic of conversation she might have demanded he strip and get out of the wet clothes and into bed where she could warm him up. But as it was all she could do was bring her hands down, palms warm against cold cheeks.]

You are no monster.

[Her first words in a tone that was both gentle and firm.]

However you came to be, whatever you saw today, only you can decide your path. I know what you can become... And I have seen you now and know what you could have been.

But as you are? The man sitting here right now? You're no more a monster than I am.

[silversoldier]

[ It shouldn't have been this easy for Sephiroth to close his eyes against everything, but it was and he did. Aerith's touch, the weight of her in his lap, her words, all of it felt like absolution. He let out a breath and did not take another, just sat there empty of everything for a long moment as his traitorous heartbeat thudded in his ears.

And then it was time to face reality again. ]

I'm not like you, Aerith.

[ Sephiroth paused as the images he'd always entertained of his mother flashed before his eyes: a tall woman with long hair like his and a warm smile just for him. How he'd longed to meet her...but now all of that was ruined and he was left with the ashes of the real. ]

My mother isn't what I thought... She is a monster and so am I.

[ Sephiroth could barely get the words out. Both his gaze and tone of voice were flat, but not in the same way as normal. Instead, it seemed as if there was no life to him. ]

[ancientflower]

But I'm not human. And so maybe you have a little not-human in you? So what?

What I do know is what you are not a monster for being what you are. Only your actions can make you a monster.

[She leaned in then and placed a soft, loving kiss upon Sephiroth's lips.

When she spoke, it was soft and warm and so very tender.]

I would never fall for a monster. You aren't one. You're my sweet Sephiroth and nothing will change that.

[silversoldier]

[ Sephiroth closed his eyes again at the soft feeling of her lips upon his. He wanted so badly to believe what she was saying but he didn't know if he could. So he just clung to her. Aerith was his lifeline in this maelstrom.

He continued like that for some interminable period, his forehead pressed against hers and his eyes screwed tightly shut, before he was able to speak again. ]

I believe you.

[ It was a leap of faith, one of the first Sephiroth had ever had to make, but it was one that made sense for him to take. She knew him better than he knew himself, so the very fact her faith in him hadn't been shaken even though his had been meant everything. He could and would reform his identity on this alone.

For now though...Sephiroth shared her air and her warmth and settled into the closeness between them as some of the tension left his body. ]

[ancientflower]

[She remained quiet and let Sephiroth work through his thoughts and his feelings to find the words he needed. It took time, but Aerith was patient. She sat with him, softly stroking a hand over his hair, eyes closed and the softest of smiles upon her lips. Everything about her spoke of calm and peace.

And when Sephiroth finally spoke, her smile deepened.]

Believe in me.

[She returned gently, hand finally coming to rest by cupping his cheek within the palm of her hand.]

I will never lie to you.

[silversoldier]

[ Her words echoed in his mind, drowning out both his harsh internal critic and the haunting sounds of memory. Sephiroth's hands tightened into fists and then loosened along with his breath as the remaining tension left his body.

Aerith wouldn't lie to him. He truly did believe in her, and that was what made the difference. ]

Aerith...

[ All the things Sephiroth couldn't express were captured in that one word and then he was hugging her tight, his hands fisting in the back of her nightgown. He held her as one holds a lifeline, because that's what she was and would continue to be to him. He had no intention of ever letting go. ]

[ancientflower]

My Sephiroth.

[He clung to her and in turn she clung back.

Aerith curled her arms tighter around him, one around his head to cradle it to her chest as she did her near best to fold him into her. It was probably a sight to see from the outside, Sephiroth was so much bigger than her. But as if that mattered to Aerith. The bigger they were the harder they fell, and Sephiroth had had a hell of a fall. And she was doing her damned best to catch him before he hurt himself.

And if all she could do was reassure and hold him then that was what she would do. Gladly. Happily. She would never, ever let him go.]

[silversoldier]

[ It wasn't the first time Aerith had held him like this, but never before had Sephiroth been in such a state while it was happening. Perhaps that was why, after being broken and then experiencing this catharsis while being held with such tenderness by her, a single tear tracked down his face and into her nightgown. He felt so raw and drained, but mostly, mostly he knew what it felt like to be loved. And wasn't it strange that this was what drew the moisture from his eyes above everything else? That someone could be so good to him. That she would never leave him, never lie to him. Although they had been together for what felt like a long time, it was just now starting to settle in in a very tangible way. He'd never had this before, never even thought to want it. But it was his to keep. Aerith was his.

Sephiroth clutched her closer and closed his eyes against the rest. He could feel Aerith's heartbeat and let that gentle sensation calm him. ]

[ancientflower]

[It wasn't the first and wouldn't be the last, Aerith was certain of that. She was also certain that her arms would always, always be open and welcoming to Sephiroth. Even if they argued or got into a fight. It didn't matter. This was where he belonged. In her arms, where she could protect him from the hurts of the outside world.

If she felt that slight damp spot appearing on her nightclothes, she didn't mention it and never would. But she did tighten her arms, just as he did. At least one arm. One hand decided that it wanted to stroke over Sephiroth's hair, slow and gentle. Aerith distantly wished she could sing or... something. A lullaby. Maybe help him sleep? Though they really should be in bed for that.

So, after a little while, she ventured into the quiet between them.]

Are you ready to take me to bed, sweet? I think it's time. I can hold you even better there.

[silversoldier]

[ Sephiroth could have stayed like that forever, but Aerith's interjection came at the perfect time: just when he was lulled into a drowsy half-slumber. His entire body felt heavy but there was also peace where he was settled.

He didn't answer her with words. They weren't for this moment. Instead, Sephiroth picked her up, cradling her as if she were the most precious thing in the world. He made his way to their bedroom where he would lay them both down. One thing was for sure. He wasn't about to let her go all night and he knew would do the same for him.

As Sephiroth lay down with Aerith wrapped around him and began to drift off again, he couldn't help but think about how incredibly lucky he was to have her. ]